Journey

Not the band. This journey is across America. It began on Sunday from AZ and it will end there. However, in between, will involve numerous areas within the continental United States. Right now I am fresh of a viewing of the Valero Alamo Bowl -- an OT victory for Missouri over Northwestern 30-23. San Antonio is a nice little city and the riverwalk remains a great feature. Now, its on to the Ft. Worth/Dallas area to catch 2 more bowl games -- the Armed Forces Bowl and the Cotton Bowl.

Merry Christmas

Umm, yeah. Merry Christmas -- compliments of Mark Teixeira.

Rihanna

I drove from Iowa to Arizona this past Friday/Saturday. I left at 11am Friday morning from Grinnell, IA and arrived in Pinetop, AZ at 2pm Saturday afternoon -- 27 hours. So, a 22-hour ride, 5-hour hotel stay, and 1-hour gain due to time change. This feat was done solo and only because of Rihanna. Seriously, the girl has talent. I downloaded numerous tunes right before I left and every time I was beginning to feel fatigued I would put on my Recently Added playlist (a.k.a. all Rihanna). My two favorites are obvious: "Live Your Life" (T.I. feat. Rihanna) and "Disturbia." Thank you Rihanna for keeping me attentive on my journey.

C.C. & A.J.

Let me start off by saying that I am a huge Yankees fan. I grew up with a strong NY sports influence and have followed religiously ever since my early years. I went back to NY this past summer to see my last game in the old Yankee Stadium. It was a fabulous time; there is a great blog post from July about it.

I just read Buster Olney's evaluation of the new additions to the Yankees -- C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. It got me thinking. Before his stint with ESPN, Olney worked for The New York Times and wrote about the Yankees. He also has written The Last Night of the Yankees Dynasty, which discusses why the 2001 World Series was lost and why a World Series pennant hasn't graced the Stadium since 2000. I stopped reading halfway through to start football camp in 2005. I'll get back to it sometime.

I had been pondering about these signings ever since they became official last week. My immediate, negative thought purely consisted of the length of these contracts. Sabathia got 7 years and Burnett 5 years. For two power pitches, Burnett more so than Sabathia, the contract seems long. The arm of a pitcher takes on so much wear and tear over time. Sabathia pitched 253 innings last year, Burnett 221, both setting career highs. Although pitching every 5 days, pitchers are the most injured position in baseball and as a Yankees fan I cannot help but be scarred by long deals from past (i.e. Carl Pavano, about $2 million per start). However, Sabathia is 28, the contract will carry him to his mid-thirties. With an opt-out clause after his 3rd year, the contract doesn't seem so reckless as it first appeared. Burnett's deal is scary to me. He has had arm troubles in the past, is 32 years old, and looks like he is throwing out his arm with every fastball. His contract will carry him past his mid-thirties. Risky? For me, yes. The Yankees need him to perform like Roger Clemens did when they traded for him in 1999.

The one good thing is that the payroll will be down this year from the ~$210 million spent in 2008; as $88 million came off the books. Don't get me wrong, it will still be high, but the production from the 2009 payroll should be higher per dollar with the loss of high profile free agents who never quite panned out (again Pavano). For now, I am somewhat content with direction of the team. By picking up these free agents the Yankees are allowing their young pitchers to gain more experience. As we saw last year, throwing them into the fire did not work. I guess time will tell.

Army-Navy Football Game

This football game is about as American as the sport can get. Young men playing for pride, serving our country, with nothing more on the line than respectful competition. There is no ticket to the NFL up for grabs for these players. Remember last year? Caleb Campbell, a safety from Army was drafted with pick 218 by the Lions. The Army gave him and the NFL the go-ahead before the draft, only to call Campbell to duty the day before he was officially ready to start training camp.

For this years game, the 109th in the series, Nike collaborated with Army and Navy to create a set of new "Enforcer" uniforms. The Army uniforms feature a camouflage helmet, pants, and numbers on a black jersey. Moreover, the saying "Duty. Honor. Country." is featured on the back of their jerseys. Two sayings are also on the pants - the right leg says "West Point" while the left leg reads "Boots on the Ground," the traditional Army slogan.

The Navy uniforms entail navy shoulder boards with gold trim, honoring the wings of the Blue Angel plane. The jersey has the Marines globe and anchor logo and the pants replicate officer pants, with the red office blood stripe down the legs.

Photo courtesy of ESPN.com

Each player also wore a patch designating their unit in the Army or Navy. The final score was 34-0 in favor of Navy. It is great to not only watch this game every year, but to take in the raw emotion and strong sense of pride that each of these young men carry with them. Thanks to Nike for supplementing the game with new threads that embody the spirit of this competition.

98 Cents

Last Friday night I went to Wal-Mart with a couple friends (Kim and Lauren) to pick up some ingredients for Asian pudding (I mean, it could have had a better name, but was still delicious). On our escapade I decided to buy a Red Bull. It had been a long day and with our pending fort building, movie watching, and eventual sleepover in the cards, I knew I had to be on top of my game. The red bull was $1.83. I thought for sure I would be safely under $2. Nope. The cashier rung up the beverage and said the total was $2.02. I turned to my friends, pleading for change. My pleads turned into a blatantly obvious whining attempt for the attendant to just offer 2 cents to me. Kim had zero change and the cashier didn't take the bait. I quickly searched for the "Pennies for Everyone" bowl. No dice. I then directly asked her, "Do you have 2 cents I could use? I really don't want to get 98 cents back." Stone-faced,while acting like she was browsing her surroundings, she said "No I ain't got 2 cents." I thought to myself: No way is this happening. I forked over $3 and the cashier, while handing me my receipt, said "And 98 cents is your change." NO SHIT! I knew that. I didn't want 98 cents to be my change. I pleaded, whined, begged not to get 98 cents back and lost some dignity in doing so.

There is nothing more painful to me than getting 95+ cents back on the purchase of an item. One of the top three things I cannot stand. It makes me crazy. Absolutely crazy. American mandate should include a designated "Pennies for Everyone" bowl at EVERY place of business in America. I mean, this pain should be inflicted on the people. It can easily be avoided.

Women

WAKE UP AMERICA --
We can all thank Nolan Ticer for sending me this link in a Facebook message about 3 weeks ago. It has multiple attractive women wearing (little) clothing honoring America. Thanks Nolan for the prideful eye candy you bestow upon us. You are the blogs honorary American for the time being. . .

San Antonio, TX

I was "down in the heart of Texas" for the marriage of Dell Swain to Christoper "Jonny" Villa this past weekend. Weddings bring together friends, booze, memories, and crazy events. This wedding did not disappoint.

First off, I went to the liquor store to collect some beverages on the night of the rehearsal dinner. As I accumulated the requests (i.e. Skyy Vodka, Cocoa-Cola, and Coors Light) I crossed 16 oz. cans of Busch Light. If you know me, I am a huge fan of the 16 oz. cans (see last weekends post). There remained something different about these cans though. Upon further inspection of the can, this was no normal Busch Light - it was a "TEXAS" Busch Light. Yes, the cans say "TEXAS" on them just in case you were confused about your whereabouts. You can see the red writing above the Busch on the can and the picture of Texas after the Light of the can:


Later that night the pure TEXAS Busch Lights were drank as many fellow Grinnellians flew in to San Antonio and checked into the hotel. Luckily, the open layout of the Presidential Suite allowed us to play many enjoyable games such as caps and poker. As many of our friends were heading to bed, a crew of us felt it necessary to experience the culture of the city. So, at 3 AM we decided to get into a cab and head towards one of those 24-hour clubs (think about it). On the way we asked our cab driver, Anthony, a simple question: Where can we get alcohol at 3 AM? He knew the answer. After a quick call to his buddy and some negotiations (we offered $20), we ended up on a dark block of manufactured homes in San Antonio. $25 bucks later we had a half full bottle of cheap tequila. Black market, previously opened, generic, cheap, 2-foot high gold trimmed bottle of tequila. Anthony waited to turn on his meter until we left his friend's house. Nice guy. We traded pulls from the bottle (terrible decisions) until we entered the club.

After our rendezvous at the club, Anthony picked us up. He had stored the tequila in the back panel of the cab van (yes, this is true). After a quick story about his van being searched by the local police (I was skeptical at his story) and 5-minute wait for Ken (groomsman) to get a phone number we were headed back to the hotel, bottle in hand. We strolled into the Crowne Plaza Hotel at 5:15 AM with our bottle and an Obama CD with a 5:24 song on it. However, our dignity was gone and either left on that dark block or somewhere in the back of Anthony's van.

The wedding went well the next night. I was thankful for a long day of rest, as my roommates know well. The ceremony was in a beautiful church in downtown San Antonio and the reception was definitely one of a kind. Trey Raney had the servers wrapped around his fingers as they were making custom quesadillas for him all night (just chicken w/ BBQ sauce). Along with a great cover band, which rocked their second and final set, other highlights included mashed potatoes in martini glasses, "going 100 m.p.h.," and new dance moves. After the reception, many Grinnellians sported Christmas sweaters out on the town to celebrate and continue the streak of the sweater party, as many people would not find it suitable in their schedules to travel back-to-back months to continue the December function.

I wish Dell and Chris a lifetime of happiness. Thanks to all for some of the most ridiculous times I have had in awhile.

The Walkman

Uh-merican Product Line
(Does NOT have to originate in America, just bring joy to Americans)

The Walkman was originated in 1979 by Sony. The reason: a chairman of Sony wanted to listen to opera on plane rides. The first Walkman was a cassette player; eventually the CD version was created in 1984 called the Discman. This name was later dropped.


With the transition to the Discman came the greatest features known to mankind -- ESP (Electronic Skip Protection), later known as G-Protection. G-Protection allowed the Walkman to read information on the CD ahead of time, placing it within it's memory and creating a buffer for the movement of the machine. This novel technology brought countless hours of joy to Americans who could now use a Walkman on roadtrips, adventures, and activities. The video below puts this all into perspective.



Personally, it did not get any better than strapping on a pair of rollerblades, turning on my Walkman (i.e. Sugar Ray, Limp Bizkit), strapping it to my front right belt loop, and enjoying a fantastic afternoon through suburban America. Thank you Sony for the Walkman.

Iowa City, IA

My friends and I decided back in August that attending an Iowa Hawkeyes football game was something of interest to us. So, this past weekend was our only opportunity to catch a home game, the last one of the season. We drove east at about 4:30 Friday afternoon for a great weekend of fun.


The trip started out on a good note thanks to a friendly challenge. This challenge was much along the lines of many of the ones I partake in or force upon others - "I bet you won't ..." Ours: I bet you won't finish a six-pack before we get out of the car in Iowa City. To add insult to eventual injury, the cans we used were 16 oz. Keystone Lights. Big moves.

After a loss (5/6 finished), we hopped out of the car to meet up with our Univ. of Iowa cronies. After our initial interaction with Mook, Chad's good friend from high school, Jonathan and I took off running to the convenience store. Why not? Seemed like a good idea at the time. After buying Beer 30 we decided that meeting people was necessary. We wandered down to the lowest floor of the first apartment on our way back. Our quick deliberation ended in deciding to knock on the door to the right as opposed to the left. The door opened to a girl wearing an Iowa soccer sweatshirt and a confusing look on her face. She looked at her roommates without saying a word, simply implying that we were friends with one her roommates. We obviously were not.

Another girl came to the door and we politely introduced ourselves. Turns out, we knew an ex -Iowa women's soccer player, having gone to Grinnell with her brother. This knowledge legitimized us and we were lucky enough to catch an episode of Dexter while drinking some beers. Our adventure paid off - we successfully met 8 of the Univ. of Iowa women's soccer team!

The next day we woke up around 8 AM and got to Kinnick Stadium around 9 AM. Thanks to the generosity of Wes Finch (who owns the car dealership in Grinnell) we had an additional 2 tickets plus a parking pass right near Gate B. It was prime real estate. The Hawks won 22-17. Shonn Greene (see pic below) was filthy - he put #3 of Purdue on two ESPN highlights on his way to 211 yards and 2 TDs.

Photo courtesy of ESPN.com

After the game and a small Grinnell reunion at miss Julia Veltri's apartment, Maury and I ended up a bar downtown with our friend Franklin, who is an extremely good salsa dancer. Upon leaving the bar Maury was hungry. We stopped in a sub shop and Maury started talking to a guy carrying a 24-pack of Miller Lite. He told us that he is a blackbelt. As he is explaining some key moves, the worker asks, "Who had the #5?" I looked around, as did others, and zero claims were made. I said, "The vito?" The worker corrected me, "No, that is Jimmy John's. This is the Godfather." I agreed and took the sub. Another guy looks at me and says, "Where the f-ck is my sub, this guy didn't even order!"

Yes, it was a great weekend in Iowa City. Americans were in attendance and various American moves were made.

October Observations

I took the past 12 weeks off from the blog minus some inadvertent posts. Now that the season is over I am back and stronger than ever.

Here are some things you may have missed out on:

Beardtober

As of 2007, the month of October has been renamed Beardtober. Festivities include a number of testosterone pumped males refusing to shave starting on Oct. 1st. In no way should Beardtober be confused with "No-Shave November" or "Jesus-Beard January." A defined, shaved neckline is acceptable and often encouraged, as well as straightening from ones sideburns down to their mustache.



Participation was excitingly higher this year than last. It is often comical to watch younger teammates grow patchy, skraggly facial hair. However, effort is rewarded. In fact, a celebration concluded the end of Beardtober, including an All-Beardtober team.

Some of these guys can find themselves on the 2008 All-Beardtober First Team.

Wild Turkey American Honey Whiskey


This wonderfully tasting liquor was actually seized from a convenience store in Bethany, Missouri by Jonathan Antrim this past summer. But, up until now, it was virtually extinct up here to the north. Thankfully, McNally's grocery store made a great life decision and began carrying it as of late. Not being a huge fan of whiskey, I was skeptical during the summer about the burning sensation common to 1 oz. samplings. No burn here; great tasting with a sweet honey aftertaste. A great pick-up this past weekend - in more ways than one. The name says it all, AMERICAN Honey Whiskey.

RV Classifications

The ability to be self-sufficient, save gas, and travel all in one package. These classifications are the simplest way to search for a life-changing vehicle. Here are the common N. American breakdowns (info from Wikipedia):

Class A - Constructed on either a commercial truck chassis, a specially designed motor vehicle chassis, or a commercial bus chassis. The addition of slide-outs, first appearing in 1989, dramatically changed the industry, as they allow a wider room than would fit on the road.

Class B - Built using a conventional van, to which either a raised roof has been added or had the back replaced by a low-profile body (aka coach-built).


Class C - Built on a truck chassis with an attached cab section, which is usually van based, but may also be pickup truck based or even large truck based. They are characterized by a distinctive cab-over profile, the "cab-over" containing a bed or an "entertainment" section.

Tony Romo Endorsement

Tony Romo signed the largest apparel and footwear sponsorship deal in NFL history a little over a month ago. Your "commonsensical gene" would urge to think the deal would be with Nike, Under Armour, Adidas, Reebok...


... but Starter? Yes, the deal is with Starter. 5 yrs/$10 million.


Don't get me wrong, Starter was sweet back in elementary school. Their jackets were the shit and made a loud statement amongst peers when playing hoops during the winter. But c'mon, its 2008 and the NFL has an agreement with Reebok. This means that Romo can not wear Starter gear on the sidelines. This deal makes no sense for both parties, unless Romo is trying to re-circulate this jacket among the U.S.:

349-173

Photo/artwork by Shepherd Fairey

Official Electoral Vote score.

Say goodbye to the old politics that trumped common sense for the past 8 years.

Say goodbye to unnecessary war, tax breaks for big business and the top 1% of the American people, Mavericks, conservative values, American egotism, treason, and outlandish spending.

Say goodbye to politics run by a group with a bigger target in mind - their long-run financial security.

Say goodbye to Bush, Cheney, etc. and welcome CHANGE.

Obama!

BIG WIN = SO AMERICAN!

American Lunch

Today I enjoyed a great lunch at the local Hy-Vee. For a past or present resident of 1017 High Street, Hy-Vee carries the ultimate American meals - especially when hungover. For instance, you can not beat their $3.99 daily lunch special. Impossible to beat. Spaghetti and Sauce Dinner, 3-Wing Dinner, Noodles and Mashed Potato Dinner. . . and there are more. I took advantage of the Sandwich and Soup Special for a whopping total of $4.27. They also offer an all-you-can eat deal for $7.49. Unbeatable home-cooked meals.

During my lunch, I overheard and saw an American interaction. An older married couple were sitting adjacent to me munching on the special of the day - 3-wing Dinner. As I was reading the newspaper, the husband was bantering the wife attempting to make her feel idiotic for not listening to a previous conversation they had earlier had: "Weren't you right next to me?" "Didn't you hear what he said about the insurance?"
This went on for a bit before another older lady walked up and said hi (I was unsure what type of lunch she had ordered, but I would guess it was the Meatloaf Dinner). The couple began to discuss gambling and how they made $740 on 60 cents at Prairie Meadows Casino in Des Moines. Immediately the contempt they held for each other was gone and a 5-minute conversation ensued about their gambling adventures, which included reference to the infamous Meskwaki in Tama, IA.

The battle between husband and wife ended over the 3-wing Dinner due to the discussion of a vice - gambling. Simply American.

AZ ---> IA

I rode halfway across the country early this past August. The 3 day trip consisted of close to 24 hours of driving counting the 2 time zones I crossed. Although 2 months late, here are the highlights of the solo road trip:

Liberal, KS
- Think Odessa, TX from Friday Night Lights, only smaller scale and in south Kansas. The school, which won state titles in 1992, 1994, 1995, and 1997, presents a decent size stadium and proud tradition. A sign with the winning seasons and this years schedule greets visitors as they enter parking lot adjacent to the field - name Jerame Tuman Field. Tuman played at Michigan and was a member of the Super Bowl XL Champion Steelers.


- Home to Dorothy's House from the Wizard of Oz. Yes, this is true. Signs everywhere, pointing in the exact direction and location of the house. It was a little much. Called the Land of Oz. Yes, a little much.


Donut Shop in Guymon, Ok
- After receiving my morning sprinkle donut and coffee, the waitress told me to watch out for the sheriff,knowing he had been in the shop earlier that morning. She said, "He's got a hard-on for out-of-staters." Sure enough, 3 miles down the road a car with an Illinois license plate was pulled over. Thank god for the heads up.

People driving old cop cars
- Simply put, they suck. How I am suppose to set the cruise 20 mph over the speed limit when all sorts of characters are rollin' the interstate with converted old cop cars? Ridiculous. Horrible decision to buy one. Quit fucking with the American people.

Too many historic sites
- Couldn't see them all. Disappointed in myself.

Keystone Light Truck
- A Midwest and personal favorite. Truck read, "Keystone Light. . . Parties Happen." Awesome. Sums up life (especially if you're an alcoholic).

Ryder Cup

Europe got a taste of what us Americans cook up. Intense, brutal, and heroic play. The Americans shined at the Ryder cup this past weekend regaining the cup for the first time since 1999. As of late, those Eruopeans have been giving the Americans quite the pounding.

Momentum was taken early by the Americans, leading to a 16½-11½ final on Sunday. Not even Tiger, Tiger Woods Ya'll was needed. A collection of solid, emotionally driven players rose up with sheer patriotism unseen since the Boston Tea Party.

Here was the roster for the 37th Ryder Cup:

Player	Age	Ryder Cup record	Appearances	Hometown
Chad Campbell *	34	1-3-2	2	Andrews, Tex.
Stewart Cink	35	3-5-4	3	Huntsville, Ala.
Ben Curtis	31	--	--	Columbus, Ohio
Jim Furyk	38	6-12-2	5	West Chester, Pa.
J.B. Holmes *	26	--	--	Campbellsville, Ky.
Anthony Kim	23	--	--	Los Angeles, Calif.
Justin Leonard	36	0-3-5	2	Dallas, Tex.
Hunter Mahan *	26	--	--	Orange, Calif.
Phil Mickelson	38	9-12-4	6	San Diego, Calif.
Kenny Perry	48	0-2-0	1	Elizabethtown, Ky.
Steve Stricker *	41	--	--	Edgerton, Wisc.
Boo Weekley	35	--	--	Milton, Fla.
* denotes captain's picks		Total: 19-37-17	Total: 19

NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!!!

Un-Uhmerican Seized at Yankee Stadium

This guy is definitely not an American in every sense of the word:

A Queens man is considering legal action against the New York Yankees after he was ejected from Tuesday night's contest against the Boston Red Sox for trying to use the restroom during the playing of "God Bless America."

During the patriotic 7th inning stretch at Yankee Stadium, nature called on Bradford Campeau-Laurion. When he tried to leave his seat during the traditional singing of God Bless America, however, he says he was stopped by a NYPD officer who said he'd have to wait until the song was done.

"I then said to him, 'I don't care about God Bless America. I just need to use the bathroom.' As soon as I said that, he immediately pinned my arm behind my back," Campeau-Laurion told CBS 2.

"He shoved me out the front gate and told me get out of their country if I didn't like it," he said.

Damn right, get out of our country if you can't stand for God Bless America at Yankee Stadium. After 9/11 the Yankees made it mandatory for spectators to remain in their seats during the song as it played for the 7th inning stretch. Not only did Brad break THE stadium rule, he broke the "common knowledge AMERICAN" rule. I am glad he was apprehended by NY's Finest.

POTW Winner

Congrats to Erik Hubl for this delightful picture at the opening game of the Olympics. The catcher for Team USA who had the good fortune of standing next to our (cough) President is Lou Marson, a rising prospect in the Phillies organization. Lou caught the first pitch from George W.

He ended up coming home with a bronze medal and the honor (cough) of meeting the President.


There was a scuffle in the USA China game. I am searching for some video. It was like camping. . . in-tents!

American Photo of the Week

Claire Reeder has started a frenzy. After notoriously tagging me in this photo on the 'book, I decided to open up a weekly (or every other weekly) photo contest. So please, snap pictures of American things. Or, retrieve some oldies but goodies from back in the day that scream AMERICA!

Claire is the inaugural first week winner! Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln agree. Congratulations.

Send entries to nick.merklin@gmail.com

Olympics

It's Olympic time (even though we are 4 days in) and we are winning the medal count:

USA - 27
China - 22
South Korea - 12
Australia - 12

Feels good to be AMERICAN!

Hopefully tomorrow I will post a video of Bella Karolyi saying some things about the age of the female Chinese gymnastics team. It was legendary.

2 New American Products

Came across these two gems the other while cruising the internet:

Jansport Captain America Bag

Reinforced vinyl bottom for kicking ass and protecting the fine American population.


Phiten Titanium Necklace - Patriot


This necklace aims to:

- Alleviate Discomfort
-Enhance Circulation
-Promote Relaxation
-Stabilize Energy Flow
-Reduce Stress
-Soothe Tension

while making you one hell of an American

Mesa/Scottsdale/Tempe, AZ

I traveled down the Valley of the Sun to see my sister and a couple friends from my younger days. We floated down the Salt River during the day on Friday with numerous Scottsdale natives (Darren, Jason, Erik, Terra, Tess, and the Rachels). This involved a cooler of beer, sun, rapids, tubes, and Darren's Boner Jams '08 CD. It was fun and I got a wonderful base tan. The daytime fun was only the tip of the iceberg leading to a night full of excitement. While hanging out with Erik Hubl (who was part of the NY shenanigans) on Friday night, some American things took place.

First of all, we played Missouri. For those of you unfamiliar with this game, it involves drinking while driving in a moving vehicle. This action is illegal unless you are in the fine state of Missouri, or so the myth says. Whatever the case may be, it is a fun game that should be enjoyed by all.

Missouri took place with a 24 oz. can of Busch Ice. A select beer, Busch Ice has a bite not found in regular Busch. It is "Ice brewed for exceptional smoothness." This is true, for sure. Although some websites have bad reviews for the Ice - 1.06/5.0 and a D+ rating - it did its job.


After experiencing the Ice we traveled to an upscale strip club called Skin in Scottsdale. As one reviewer online put it, "Good anytime.Good food & A+ liquor, no short pours.Parking? "wadda ya want in Scottsdale" No problems or damage.Fine biz anytime of the day or night." Sums it up nice. We also went with 3 women friends, which got us seated quicker. As Cosmo (the worker at the club) put it, "I know you are with dates, so I'll get you seated quickly." He did that and we had a fun time.

On our way from Scottsdale to Tempe, we played more Missouri. Once we found a parking spot it was my job to finish off last sip in the 24 oz. Coors Light we had. As I stepped out of the car to take the last swig I saw a bike cop with my peripheral vision. I placed the CL back in the car in hopes of evading the cop - it didn't work. He walked up to the vehicle, pulled out the can, dumped out the last gulp, and starred at me. I tried to say the can was left over from our trip down the Salt River, he didn't really buy that. He told me I was lucky he didn't see me drinking it or else I would have received an open container ticket ($74.50 according to my brother-in-law). He then ran my ID for any warrants and let me go.

Pretty American AZ Friday. Salt River, Missouri, Busch Ice, cabaret, near arrest. Good times.

New _ost soon

My friend's com_uter does not the use of the _.  Therefore, I can not _ost.  I do have a good story coming from my tri_ to _hoenix.  Wait for it.

Budweiser bought by Belgian brewers

Yes, this is true. Thanks to the help of Nathan "Jizzly Bear" Lindsey and my Aunt, mass hysteria has now hit the blog. How is Budweiser so American as show by receiving 7 votes thus far, but yet, is not actually American? The poll is left up to the people, but the people must be correctly informed.

Here is the news brief from Yahoo:

" InBev, brewers of Stella Artois, have bought Budweiser makers, Anheuser-Busch for 52 billion dollars. Bud Light's new relationship to Stella makes it more socially acceptable for impoverished Bohemians to enjoy."

Total Gym Commercial

"The Total Gym does it all" - Chuck Norris

I know the whole Chuck Norris fad died about 2 years ago, as it should have. Nonetheless, there are some spectacular mustaches in this video. Intense mustaches by Norris and Wesley Snipes. Yes, Wesley Snipes. Enjoy a slice of Americana by these two actors. And their abs are fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzE0FOPiaDU

Most American Beer Poll

New addition to the left of the blog, right under the bald eagle. It resides underneath the picture for a reason. In voting, you are not voting for the "best" beer, nor are you voting for the "cheapest drunk" or "most satisfying." You are voting for MOST American.

That is, when you take a sip, do you think of bald eagles? Red, white, and blue? The Constitution? Blue-collar workers? George Washington? Bill Clinton? Ford? Chevy? Steaks? Grilling? Bad life decisions?

All brands/companies include light, regular, ice, etc. types of beer.

Happy American voting. Feel free to leave comments if you want to justify your choice. A discussion on beers is super American.

RAGBRAI

Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa



Cycling (minus the ever-ongoing slate of doping scandals) is a pretty American event, especially when it takes place among the corn stalks of God's country. That would be Iowa for all of you non-Midwesterners. RAGBRAI 2008 is nearly over as it raps up tomorrow. However late this post may be in that regard, I found it necessary to share a couple tidbits of info:

Recent Grinnell College grads Sofia Skraba, Benj Wagman, Sean Miller, and Calvin Dane are working (and/or partying) at RAGBRAI this year. They have been all over the U.S. working for a traveling company that coordinates storing goods and setting up tents for fellow riders. Great American summer job.

Ted Schultz, Grinnell College's Sports Information Director, as well as a valid American, has been blogging from the road. Ted has just finished up his first year at Grinnell and has done a far superior job covering Pioneer athletics than his previous predecessors. Please click the link and read some of his material; he is pretty humorous while also maintaining the ability to relay valuable information regarding the race. Finish up strong Ted!

Dream Team (?) Jerseys

It has been awhile since our men's Olympic basketball team has won gold (since 2000). In fact, in 2004, the men's team lost 3 games total on their way to a bronze medal; more losses than in all the other Olympics combined. Talk about an UnAmerican showing in Athens. Too much Ouzo for our American players? One would think. . .

Whatever the case was in 2004, I feel much stronger and more AMERICAN this year. Coach K will do some wonders and no Chinese, Argentinian, or Polish player for that matter will be able to stop Kobe, LeBron, and D-Wade on the perimeter. Too early to give them the nickname synonymous with champions of the past - "Dream Team?"

Check out these sweet jerseys found at Eastbay. Try to forget about the Yi jersey on the website. Eastbay should pull it off of there. Dude is definitely not from the states.

Triplets Join Marines

Found this story in the National Enquirer on my plane ride to AZ. Didn't know how valid the story was until today when I googled it.

Encouraging to see the strong Patriotism shared by these triplets.

New Hats

Brand new New Era City-Skyline Fireworks hats. Perfect complement to the American Flag caps shown a couple weeks ago.

Mile High Music Festival

I just got back from a 2-day festival in Denver. It was full of music, sun, beer, and people. You can find the lineup here.

The whirlwind trip started with a departure from Grinnell. Jonathan Antrim, William Schwaller, and myself hit the town of Salina, KS up for a couple days. Activities in Kansas included the new Batman movie and pool basketball. Then, we took off through western Kansas towards Denver.

On our way, we spotted a 50+ male with American flag socks at the Oasis truck stop (less impressive than the I-80 truck stop). I attempted to document the socks, but my camera phone was not up to the task. So, take my word for it.

We ended up stopping for gas and got this great picture. Thanks Schwaller.


We met Ms. Haddie Dowson in Denver. And ate $38 worth of Del Taco the first night. The festival was a great time. Each day contained over 12 hrs of music. There were 5 stages and music was always being played. Lupe Fiasco, State Radio, and Flobots were my personal favorites. Here are the rest of the fun facts from this weekend:

- Pocket t-shirts are very prevalent in truck stops, on truck drivers, and on Schwaller
- $8 for 22 oz. of beer is pricey, but necessary when the thermometer readings are close to 100 degrees
- You are not allowed to yell "Party" at an outdoor festival. The venue is a gigantic party metaphor. Repetition is just not necessary.
- "Horchata" sounds like "Tostada" when you go through a drive-thru
- An area is qualified as a bad neighborhood by a plethora of check cashing businesses, liquor stores, and discount motels (see Colfax Ave. in Denver).

Nothing beats listening to music all day with your friends. A Mile High American weekend.

Friends Help

Thanks to the help of 2 friends of mine, I am able to spread the American spirit.

Claire Reeder gave me a call the other night. After I missed the call, she left a great message about being at her cousin's lake house:

"One of his friends says, 'Dude, hold this burger while I'll take a pee.' I say, isn't that so classy? He says, 'No its American!'"

Super American. Thanks Claire.

Today I received a picture message from a 602 number. I was uncertain as to who it was from, but opened it anyway. It was a picture of the cover of Newsweek asking who matters more, Lincoln or Darwin? In a twist, Erik Hubl texts me right after and explains the cover. He then asks who is more American? His vote, as well as mine, go to Lincoln.

I appreciate the relayed Americanism.

Reading, PA

This decently sized city of approximately 84,000 Americans resides about an hour and fifteen minutes from the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. The main attraction in this wonderful city is not the pagoda built in 1908, but the double-A affiliate to the Philadelphia Phillies, the Reading Phillies. Considering that Arizona is a hotbed for premier baseball players, it was no surprise that 2 Arizona boys were not only listed in our program, but one was pitching to the other when we entered the stadium (picture to the right). J.D. Durbin, who oddly enough was the best man in my sister's wedding a mere 2 years ago, pitched for 6 and 2/3 of an inning in a 6-2 Phils win. On the receiving end of J.D.'s pitches was Lou Marson, a 22-year old catcher that was recently selected to participate in the All-Star Futures Game taking place at Yankee Stadium next week. Lou and myself played Pop Warner football together back in the day, along with my other friends in attendance (Erik Hubl and Nolan Ticer). He dropped a bomb in the 8th inning to right field on a 3-2 pitch. Simply put, he is a badass. Lou was also on the cover of the program for the 4-game series. Coincidence? I don't think so. Definitely American.

After the game, a group of 5 of us went around the town. We stopped at a local Wawa. The store was full of hoagies and shakes. However, on the unfortunate side, convenience stores in PA DO NOT sell beer/liquor. Thus, we were forced to find a place to consume alcohol. We ended up at the All-American Sports Pub (Weird?). The female bartender was psyched that their pub won the best wing contest and felt the need to tell us. We split a pitcher of beer and I meet Rick. Our convo:

Rick(taps my shoulder): Hey man, how you doin'?
Me: Nothing man, how's it going?
Rick: Oh man, I just got outta jail and just hit up some haze? Hey man, you smoke?
Me: No man.
Rick: Okay, you a chill guy bro. Real chill. Man, I am going to fuck this dude up. He took a dime from me and didn't pay. I went up to him and he was sweating. He is going to get it. I called Tony, it's on. He is coming from Philly. I am going to hit him with a Louisville Slugger. Hey, you got one I can borrow?

This convo went on for 45 minutes. No joke. It was ridiculous. Although on probation for a 5-yr. stint for alleged rape (as he told me) and another 9 1/2 month visit for beating up a dude, along with recent release from rehab, Rick felt the need to smoke purple haze and drink excessively. He told me I was a "chill cat" and a "solid dude" so many times I lost count. Thing is, I didn't explain more than about 2 things about my life. But, I was chill enough to be invited to watch Rick smoke a dude with a bat the next day. I was also asked to hide the bat and drive the getaway car. I am having a hard time saying whether or not this is American. Let me know what you think. . .

. . . After the bar closed, we walked to this field about 10 minutes away from our Hampton Inn. Fireworks are legal in PA (just like Missouri). We took advantage. It was also early on the morning of the 4th. AMERICAN!

New Era American Flag Caps

Many of you baseball fans may have seen these over this past 4th of July weekend. For those of you who have not, take a look. Baseball and American flags pretty much sum it up.

Happy Birthday America

Today is great day for America and the fellow Americans out there. I will be posting sometime this coming weekend about a fun trip to Pennsylvania that included a meth/crackhead named Rick. It was interesting and very (Midwestern) American.

Just a quick shout out for today - GO AMERICA and FUCK THE BRITS!!!

Have a safe 4th and wonderful weekend.

NY: Part I

Numerous American things took place last night. First off, a couple friends and I went to Yankee Stadium (1). For those of you who do not know, Yankee Stadium is in its last year of existence as they are ferociously building a new stadium for next season across the street. Right off the bat, I was doing American stuff in an American ballpark.


I went to the game with 2 very good friends of mine from back in the day, like we are talking Mohave Middle School in Scottsdale, AZ, circa 1998-2000. Ashely Ebbert, Nolan Ticer, and I were sitting in the bleachers (2). The bleachers are where the "Bleacher Creatures" reside. They are a loud, obnoxious contingency of people who bleed Yankee blue. Considering it is the last year of the stadium, more commonly known as the House that Ruth Built, they have a large billboard countdown in center field. Once the game is official, they have some person pull this lever and the number of games to be played in the stadium for the rest of the year goes down by one. We were at the 40th to last game in the stadium. After the completion of the 5th inning, this guy from a local Boys and Girls Club comes on the screen to pull the lever. This is what I hear:


Yankee fan in Giambi jersey shirt: "Pull the fuckin' lever already"
Yankee fan with backwards hat: "Go back to Belleville, you fuckin' bum" (3)

Great American things.

Turns out, the Yankees lose 3-2 to the Texas Rangers (UnAmerican). We decided we should drink some beers and wait to catch a later train back to Manhattan to avoid a crammed ride with a bunch of depressed fans. We end up at a place called Yankee Tavern a block from the stadium. As a side not, I bought a shirt on the way to the bar that said on the front in Boston font "Bahston Sawks Cacks" and on the back "And DICE K Swallows" (4). We enter the bar and sit down at the only three empty seats at the bar and buy a round (about $20). We meet Patrick, a 33-year old Bronx cop who tends bar a couple nights a week for his buddy, the manager. We get to talking about the Yanks and move onto Wrigley Field and then the University of Iowa. Pat loves Iowa people after meeting them at the Iowa-Northern Illinois game last year. I drop a little Hawks knowledge (thanks Chad) and more about Grinnell and Pat hits us with a free round of drinks.

We move on to talk about Notre Dame, as I tell Pat I was in South Bend for the miraculous Notre Dame win over Duke last year (both teams were 1-9 at the time). Pat also loves Scottsdale, AZ and would love nothing more than to buy a condo there, retire, and golf all the time. Eventually the manager comes over and starts talking baseball with us. He was a minor league pitcher and knew about Cedar Rapids, Burlington, and Clinton, Iowa from his stint in the Midwest League.

As the manager states: "I prolly got three kids over there in Clinton. It's a shithole, but I fuckin' love that place. I had some great times there." (5)

Soon after I meet their friend Johnnie. We start talking about the Giants Super Bowl victory this past February (6) and I find out that Pat is a Jets fan. A fucking Jets fan. Here is what Pat says:

"So my father is a Giants fan and he owned a bar when I was younger. In 1998, the Jets are playing the Broncos for the AFC Championship. The Jets go up 10-0 and all the Jets fans in the place start calling people asking if they can get off work to go to the Super Bowl and who wants tickets and whatnot. The place goes mad. My father, who is die-hard Giants fan, writes on the mirror behind the bar 'Let's Go Giants.' The Broncos come back and win. Fucking Jinx!" (7)

Johnnie works for the Yanks. He confirms A-Rod is a dickhead and that Derek Jeter is God's gift to everyone.

We become such great friends with the manager, Pat, and Johnnie that not only do we get free shirts, but Pat tossed back Nolan's credit card after about our 5th drink and said "I don't need your fuckin' money;" then proceeded to give us about 7 more drinks. They locked the doors about 2:30 and we just hung out till around 3:30 with these guys. We got about 12 drinks and only paid for our first round. A damn American night (8).



Pat is also working on getting us some Yanks-Red Sox tickets for this coming weekend. Keep your fingers crossed.

We got on the train, hit up McDonalds, and passed out at Ashley's apartment. It was awesome. I counted 8 American things in this blog, although we all well know that over 100 American things took place. Keep checking for more and more updates as the week continues.

Come Get A Taste

A few weeks ago, after a dissatisfying night of sleep, I decided a change must be made in my life. After serious consolation with various people (i.e. Chad Christoff, Frank "The Can-Man," and Andrew Walsh) I decided to start a blog.

It all started on a crazy night filled with a speedball championship, intimate kisses, and boxing gloves. After winning the speedball championship hosted by White House last Saturday night with my partner David Arsenault, I took off with Chad and Jonathan Antrim to an undisclosed location. As we continued to further the fun of our night, I placed a boxing glove found within the undisclosed house on my left hand and attacked Chad. At the same moment, Jonathan threw various "hay-makers" with the boxing glove on his right hand. I definitely underestimated Chad's speed. He came at me like Chuck Liddell and threatened to toss me over the railing and down a flight of stairs. As I recall, Chad stated: "Start a blog, bitch!" The seed was planted.

The next day, at American Lunch with The Christoff's '08, Andrew Walsh suprisingly showed up and partook in a meal for the ages (the meal featured various American and Iowa things, like steak, corn, potatoes, garlic bread, mushrooms, watermelon, sun tea, kool-aid, and cheesecake). I relayed my interest in Walsh's fantastic blog, and asked a couple of questions. He had one solid answer to my inquiry: "Yeah, blogging is pretty sweet." I was becoming more convinced than ever to create this baby.

Not long after Walsh poetically laid down the beauty of blogging, I saw a local town icon named Frank "The Can-Man." As he was placing nearly 200 Keystone and Miller High Life cans into the trunk of his 2008 Gold Chevy Impala he asked me a simple question upon seeing me with some luggage before my vacation to NY. He asked: "You're leaving?" My answer: "No Frank. I'll be back." And back I am, with a blogspot. I must give credit where credit is due. THANKS FRANK!

So I am here to spread the word about the actions overtaking my life while also providing everyone with a little bit of humor here and there.

Please bookmark me and stay tuned as my blog evolves into an interesting piece of corresponding nonsense.